The embryonic stage of your courtship, relationship or
whatever you call it when you first start dating is quintessentially the most
important time. While you’re excited
to have met someone new or actually moving on to a new part of your life, it’s a time where you have to
make sure you don’t ruin
things by getting too far ahead of yourself. There’s nothing that anyone can do about what goes on in
your head about your new dating adventure, but the goal is to keep those things
from coming out. Once those thoughts turn into actions, things go awry. Here
are the Five Things You Should Never Do
1. Facebook stalk them
It seems as though most people’s first reaction to meeting someone and finding out
their last name is to immediately “friend” them on Facebook. After the
friendship is complete, ladies go straight into your pictures looking for any
recurring faces… like your
ex-girlfriend. The men go straight into your pictures looking for Spring Break
pictures. Both of these are wrong. Facebook is a great social networking tool,
but it shouldn’t replace
good old-fashioned getting to know one another.
2. Follow them on
twitter
Think for a moment what Twitter is about. It’s a status updating platform
for people to tell the world everything they’re
thinking. While it may seem like a good idea to follow the person you just
started dating, don’t you think
that’s rushing the process a bit?
When people tweet, they don’t
necessarily tweet from the heart. There’s
also a loss of tone. How do you know if he or she is actually joking around or
playing with their friends? You can easily misinterpret them to be a jerk or
rude when in reality you just crashed their trying to get an inside scoop.
3. Ask invasive questions
Ask anybody who knows me and they’ll tell you that I believe in boundaries. I’m a little more complex than
most guys because I’m very
careful not to ask questions that would lead to similar questions being asked
back. With that said, when you start to ask questions like, “Why did you break up with your ex-girlfriend?” on the first date, or “So I wanted to ask you about
[that embarrassing story from college that they’ve somehow uncovered by doing a deep dive on your
past],” you’re way out of line. When people ask me when is the
right time to bring up the tough questions, I always say, “When they’re
necessary, not when you feel like you need to know.”
4. Rush things
The easiest way to get to a meaningful relationship is to
develop the relationship organically.
Organically means naturally and at a normal pace without any
additives. I understand that no one likes idle time. I also understand that
people are goal-oriented. But for Pete’s
sake, don’t rush the relationship! Take
your time; give both yourselves time to want to be in the midst of a
relationship. You can’t go from
dinner on Friday night, to an early morning text about brunch on Saturday, to “how do you feel about going to
12 o’clock service with me on
Sunday?” Take your time; you’ll scare the
other person away if you start smothering them out the gate.
5. Set absurd rules
Steve Harvey time! Let’s get this out of the way right now,
Steve Harvey and his 90-day rule is the dumbest sh*t on the planet. You might
end up waiting 90-days to have sex with someone. But if that’s a hard rule in
your book, you got problems. Let me break this down for you.
If you tell me you’re
trying a 90-day rule before you have sex with me, I’m going to ask you a question: “Why?”
You’re going to attempt to answer that question and no matter what you say in
your head, I’m going to think that in your past you’ve had problems keeping
your legs closed. If you need a rule as silly as that one to make sure you make
the right decisions when it comes to sex, we can’t date. I’m not saying that
you should have sex on the first date. This is when you should have sex: when
you’re ready, you trust him, and you know you won’t regret it.
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